Quoting America
by LibraMoon
Summary: There was a reason the nations stopped listening in on America's conversations. Slight Crack. Just for fun. FemAmericaxnations. Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

_**Dear Readers, **_

_**This is meant to be slightly crackish. No pairings. Just for laughs. FemAmericaxNations misunderstanding. Let me know who else you want.**_

_**Thank you. I own nothing. Rated M for innuendo. **_

OoOoOo

There was a reason the nations stopped listening in on America's conversations.

OoOoOo

Prussia was only leisurely strolling by, bored to near tears that Germany was taking so damn long. He paused briefly when he heard voices behind a closed door.

HIs inner mischief maker reared its head.

"-Oh come on. You know I'm right," he heard America state quite loudly. "Just look at him. With those red eyes and amazing coloring."

Red eyes? Was she talking about him?

"I don't know," a deeper voice responded. Was that the Netherlands. "It's just white."

How un-awesome of the Netherlands to be so jealous of Prussia. The albino nation narrowed his eyes at the door.

"Well, fine dude, whatever. When I look at him, I just want to take him home and keep him forever!" She declared with a squeal. And honest to goodness squeal.

Prussia grinned in delight and strutted down the hall. Perhaps this meeting wasn't so un-awesome after all.

Besides, how could a guy be upset when America wanted to take him home? He made a mental note to hang around America more often. It wouldn't do to keep her from his sheer awesomeness all the time.

Inside the room, however, America pressed the rabbit closer to the Netherlands.

"Come on," she coaxed sweetly, "you know you like them too."

And The Netherlands held the animal and stroked it gently.

"Yes. I do."

OoOoOo

"-Great Dane," America's voice floated in his ears and Denmark through the window quizzically.

What was she talking about? Danes?

He could see her speaking with England enthusiastically.

"He is just amazing," she gushed and Denmark felt his heart skip a beat. "The best! I have never seen anything like him. I've heard Danes can be frisky though, but I don't mind."

Denmark blinked. She was... going on about him to England? England? Really? Well, he was like her father, Denmark supposed.

"America," England said patiently, "are you sure you can handle him?"

America nodded quickly, her eyes sparking.

Handle Denmark? What was going on? Did America need England's permission to date someone? And what the hell did he mean by _handle_ him? So he got drunk a few times a week, he wasn't a walking disaster or anything... no matter what Norway said.

"Of course! You have no idea how much I want him." America said before laughing an running out the door. Denmark watched as England shook his head.

The Nordic nation felt himself blush. Well, he had to think about this. As he left he didn't hear England muttering.

"Great... America getting a dog. Now it will show up to every bloody meeting."

Later, America was confused as to why Denmark winked at her during her presentation. She smiled anyway. Maybe that was his way of showing his support?

OoOoOo

The Netherlands was on his way to trade with Lithuania, when he stopped by the market. He spotted Poland speaking to America.

"-I love Dutch. Like hot. Sooo fucking hot, but really strong. In a good way. However, so sweet at the same time. Makes you want more." America prattled on to Poland who only nodded.

"Oh, I like... know what you mean."

The Netherlands felt his eyes bulge as he started at them with a mixed look of approval and horror. Is this what the other nations did when he wasn't around? Talk about how hot and strong he was? Well, that wasn't really a bad thing.

America giggled and placed a hand on Poland's shoulder.

"If I wasn't so sure it would kill me," she said with a sly grin, "I'd have take it eight times a day."

The Netherlands felt his mind go into overdrive at the sexual thought. He slowly backed away, trying not to grab America right then and there to convince her that he certainly wouldn't kill her.

Even if they did it eight times a day.

After he left, Poland nodded to America. "Yeah, I feel the same way about coffee. I like... can't get enough of the stuff."

"No kidding, but dude, the next time you come by you totally have to try Dutch Brothers. The best coffee around bro. The best!"

America and Poland set a date for him to visit.

OoOoOo

"-South Korea and Japan really tore into me," America said wearily to Estonia as China walked by.

Hm. Served that arrogant and prideful nation right. China was glad that his brothers had taken America to task over something.

"They just wouldn't stop. They had me pinned down and were taking turns! It was awful."

Estonia gave America a sympathetic glance from his computer.

"Sorry," the stoic nation said. "You know what they are like."

China could only stare in wide-eyed horror.

"Yeah, but they didn't have to keep going. I mean, I tried to fend them off but it was no use. " America shuddered and put her face in her hands. Shoulders shaking. "They just kept at it."

China flustered and couldn't believe his ears.

"You remember what happened the last time they got you like that." Estonia said gently. "You were in really rough shape."

America could only whimper.

China set off to locate his deviant little sex fiend brothers. He kicked them both in the shins while hitting them with his wok yelling how he'd raised them better than that.

The other nations could only look onward stunned.

Back in the room America turned to Estonia.

"It took me weeks to get that character just right. Fucking weeks! And they just kept ambushing me."

"Yeah," Estonia agreed, "MMORPG's are hard."

"I finally had the set I wanted too," America pouted.

OoOoOo

"Especially when Lithuania kept wanting to dip his wick in my wax," America said in that irritating voice of hers.

However, it was her words that caused Belarus to still. Dip his wick in her wax? That was a Victorian reference to sex. The female nation stilled and covered her mouth to stifle a gasp. She couldn't wait to tell Russia what Lithuania had done to his precious little 'America'.

She rushed off in search of her beloved brother.

America looked at Romania and sighed.

"It ruined the whole candle making experience. Because then the colors got mixed up... but yeah... happy birthday." America said sheepishly before presenting the other nation with a candle that looked eerily similar to a bat.

"You know I'm not a vampire, right?" Romania asked quietly.

"Yeah, but if you were, this would be a really cool gift."

Romania sighed. America was so weird sometimes.

OoOoOo

"English gentleman and the favorite heroine. "

"Really?"

"Yeah, gets me all riled up just thinking about it." America said sensually and England stilled outside the doorway.

English gentleman?

Had America just said that?

English?

There was only one English gentleman here and that was England himself. His green eyes glanced over to see America staring out the window with Canada and his bear at her side.

"It's the best love story ever," America said enthusiastically as the other nation tried to keep her from shouting.

Love story? Really?

"Yeah... okay America, eh. Whatever you say. If you think it's a love story-" Canada tried to placate.

"It will be a great love story, thank you so very much. As soon as said English gentleman realizes his true feelings for the heroine."

England felt himself flush. America and her strange idealist notions of love. Just like her Hollywood movies. Well, if she was waiting for him to make a move, then so be it.

England left the conference to order flowers.

"America," Canada said after a few minutes, "You do know that James Bond is supposed to be the hero... right?"

"What? No. That's stupid. It is obviously Pussy Galore. She is torn between what she has been hired to do, what's right, and true love. Totally a heroine,"

"I really don't think-"

"A HEROINE!" America roared, and Canada could only nod in acquiescence.

OoOoOo

When he walked into the cafeteria, the first thing that hit him were the smells and the sound of America speaking.

"-You know? I can't get _enough_ " America said to Israel as they were stacking their trays in the cafeteria.

"Of what?"

"Turkey." The blonde nation said with a smile.

Said nation turned toward them with his eyes falling on his ally. America was talking about him? Didn't she see him right here?

"That is surprising," Israel said to her as they moved toward the waste disposal. "I thought Turkey was always a little boring."

"What?" America asked clearly shocked at the thought. "How could you even think that! It's Turkey! Turkey is amazing!"

Turkey glanced between the pair and felt his cheeks heat up. So, America did defend him when he wasn't around after all. That was...rather nice to know. He proceeded to ordered his food, as America left with Israel.

He didn't hear the soft tones of Israel asking what else her plans were for Thanksgiving.

OoOoOo

The Italy twins were on their way to the meeting, running late. Northern Italy dropped his pen and it rolled toward the elevator where America was getting off with Germany.

"I can never choose though," she said to the taller nation.

"Ja, I know what you mean."

"Because, you know, Northern Italy is so uncomplicated but still great," America said not paying any mind to the two nations that were staring at her with wide eyes. "However, Southern Italy is just so bold, and full of ... gosh I don't even know, but it always makes me crave more."

"Exactly," German said with a nod, "I have had that problem too."

Northern and Southern Italy could only stare in shock as America and Germany went out the revolving door.

Southern Italy felt his face heat up... America thought he was bold.

Northern Italy blushed because America thought he was great. So apparently, did Germany!

The sweet nation could not take the emotions that welled within him, and promptly fainted. Southern Italy couldn't even muster the words to curse at him, he was too preoccupied with staring at the revolving door.

They had no idea that Germany and America had been discussing menu options at the Olive Garden, on their way to lunch.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Wow. A review in six minutes... that was sort of epic. Thank you!**_

_**As requested. Sealand and Scotland. I will need polandball explained to me though. **_

_**Thank you. I own nothing. Rated M for innuendo. **_

OoOoOo

America didn't understand why Denmark got into a fight with England over flowers, but she decided to keep out of it.

The Netherlands stared at her the whole meeting and China kept apologizing for his brothers.

She had no idea what the heck was wrong with these countries nowadays.

OoOoOo

"-I never mind the breeze," America said to England as Scotland walked by the living room.

"Well, you'd be the only one. Those silly skirts are all the rage these days."

Skirts? Scotland stilled. What were those two talking about?

"Yeah, but the plaid is so nice on some of them," America complemented, "it really shows off the legs."

Plaid? Skirt? Oh no. Scotland felt his menacing aura start to erupt in his nearly instant ire.

"Legs? You're worried about legs? Trust me, the Scottish don't care if you wear the skirt." England said flippantly.

Kilt. It was called a _Kilt_ god damn it. And, yes, real men wore them. Scotland glared at England harshly.

"Yeah, but when the wind blew... well it was a good thing I held it down, or I would have showed more than was necessary."

Wait, what?

Was America talking about a panty flash? When was this? And where the hell had he been?

"Yes, well, that ought to teach you to wear pants instead of skirts."

Kilt. It was a fucking kilt you British wanker!

"Oh believe me, I know, I thought for sure he'd see."

He pondered it so extensively he missed England and America going into the next room.

"That poor policeman would have been scarred for life. But yeah, Scotland yard," she said jovially, "really neat, if not windy, place."

Britain merely sighed and poured more tea. He would never understand women's fashion.

OoOoOo

Norway had been walking down the hall, hoping to find his dear brother Iceland. He had to dodge out of the way as nearby door flew open.

"I always think about Crimea," Hungary said with a dreamy look in her eyes.

"Yeah," America agreed momentarily as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Crimea is alright."

There was a heartbeat of silence as he glared at the back of the female nations for nearly banging into him.

"Norway, though," America said with a pointed look to Hungary, "Fucking gorgeous."

"Really?" Hungary asked her as they passed by him as if he weren't there. They stopped in front of the elevator, America laughing happily.

Norway blinked, staring at her with dull blue eyes. Was America complimenting him?

"Oh yeah. Just gorgeous, breathtaking even." America replied with a wide smile.

The Nordic nation could only watch, mystified, as they got into the elevator.

He didn't know that America was suggesting a place for Hungary's vacation.

OoOoOo

"-could See land?" America's muffled voice could be heard as the micro nation tried to tail England so that he could come to the world meeting.

He was a nation too! Even America was talking about him. That proved he should be recognized.

"I don't think so." A deep voice replied. "It doesn't seem right."

"No, honestly," she argued heatedly. "I could..."

Sealand took a few steps closer, pressing his ear firmly to the door. He strained to hear what they were talking about. He couldn't even make out who the other nation was. Only that it was a male.

"-Break in half." The male nation asked.

"No way! We'd get there and 'boom'," America replied laughing, "blown apart... sky-high!"

Sealand paled.

America was going to declare war on him! With some other nation at her side. He would be slaughtered! He scampered down the way, screaming bloody murder for England to save him.

OoOoOo

"Do you want me to hang him?" America asked with a snarl in her voice.

Mexico shook her head emphatically.

Greece turned his head, unable to walk away after hearing such a statement.

"Because I _want_ to hang him," America declared with her hands on her hips. She was glaring at Mexico, who was glaring back.

"Come on now, America," Spain pleaded. "Don't you think you're taking this a bit far?"

"No," the blonde retorted quickly. "Your call Mexico."

"S. T. O. P?"

America started laughing. "No. Now he dies!"

Greece whimpered and slowly back down the hall, the same way he'd come. He would have to tell Turkey that his ally had gone power mad. No, he had to find help. Mexico had been spelling for America to 'stop'. It must have been some sort of code. He hoped it wasn't another world war in the making.

All he knew was that America was bullying Mexico and Spain!

He did not see America draw with the chalk on the board.

"That's one more leg, arm, and two eyes. Ha!" She declared proudly. "I win,"

"Hang man is hard with you, America," Spain complained loudly. Allowing his head to thump on the table. They'd been at this for fifteen minutes, trying to best America.

"What was the word?" Mexico asked, curiously.

America blinked. "Java."

"We said no slang terms!" Spain objected hotly.

"It isn't. It is a script language. Technically, it counts." America said with a wide grin. Mexico laughed.

OoOoOo

America and Hungary were sitting in an office, their eyes glued to thin novel. America took a deep breath as she skimmed the page.

"No," Hungary said, "You have to read it aloud."

The blonde sighed heavily. "Really? How did you even get me to do this?"

"I'm buying you lunch after this."

"Touché. Alright... let's see here."

America read further.

"Okay, this part."

They did not hear the approaching footsteps.

"His body on mine. Oh Russia. I want him so badly that my body aches for him."

Ukraine paused, her eyes wide and her mouth fell open of its own volition. No. She could not have heard what she thought she heard. Ukraine grabbed her chest as if she were having a heart attack, her eyes darting to America, who was speaking with Hungary?

"He took me to his bed," America continued, "where he chained me as I trembled. His room was like a pleasure dungeon. I was his prisoner. I never wanted to get free."

Hungary nodded. Ukraine could not believe her eyes and ears. America was having a torrid love affair with her brother? She was confessing and that prompted the meeker nation to startle. She should not intrude. She had no desire to hear any of this! Ukraine twitched as she tried to hurry past the room as if the hounds of hell were chasing after her.

Inside the room, America paused in her reading and looked at Hungary.

"What?" The other female nation demanded.

"Well, for one... it concerns me that you write doujinshi with Japan about Russia. Two, I am deeply disturbed by what you think he does to Latvia when no one is around. And three, why the hell did you want my opinion for this? It has fucking pictures in it. I can never _unsee_ this."

America glowered at her.

Hungary shrugged. "Lots of Americans read this, and you are their nation."

America groaned. "I did not need to know that."

OoOoOo

Switzerland was searching for Lichtenstein, she had gone to listen to Austria play. He opened and closed a few doors, looking for her. He came to a room where America was talking with Egypt. He walked right past it.

"So handsome," America's voice came from behind him. "So rugged and deadly all at once."

Switzerland blinked and turned back toward the door, but hid off to the side His xenophobia did best him sometimes. He wanted to listen, but not to interact.

However, he was curious. Was she talking about him?

"There is just something about him." America continued with a dreamy sigh.

"You honestly think so?" Egypt sounded slightly off put.

"Oh yeah, nothing can compare to him. As in ever."

Switzerland stared at his shoes. His face beet red.

"I think he's rather irritating myself," Egypt answered readily.

His green eyes narrowed at the slight. He would practice his 'great shot' as America called it.

"What?! How can you say that? You take it back. You take it back right now!" America shouted, and Switzerland felt himself shake.

Who knew America could be so passionate about something so simple as s someone not liking him. He couldn't stay here. He was nearly undone and he needed to find Lichtenstein, She would calm him. Switzerland stumbled off away from the words he could not bring himself to listen to.

"Calm down America!" Egypt shouted back.

"Calm down! Calm down? No one insults John Wayne! He is an iconic fucking cowboy! Now, take it back!" Her eyes flashed a dangerous gleam and Egypt decided it was time to leave.

OoOoOo

France loved himself. He loved himself very much. So it whenever his name was mentioned, he was sure to be there. If only to bask in the adoration due to him.

"-France." Monaco said, and he nearly magically appeared outside the room where his micro nation was speaking with America.

Ah yes, he had a meeting with America in an hour. It surprised him that she was actually early. He would need to compliment-"

"Ugh, France always smells like bad feet." America snarled.

"Or good cheese." Monaco offered.

"Same difference." America retorted.

France felt his world shatter around him. Women thought he smelled like feet and cheese? That was so... _Unromantic_ that he immediately fled to find a bath.

He would regain his former glory!

"The France cafe is famous for its cheese, America," Monaco pointed out sweetly. "We only have to go for a few minutes. However, it will leave a good impression on your meeting with France."

America pouted. "Fine, but you have to help me pick it."

"Deal," Monaco agreed graciously.

OoOoOo

"-then you smash it with a hammer," America's voice drifted through the window.

Ecuador paused. His eyes landing on the blonde nation. Her smile wide and bright.

"But... wouldn't that kill the turtle?" Tonga asked slightly confused.

Kill? Turtle? Ecuador was horrified. He loved animals! America was telling other nations to kill turtles?

"Yeah, that's the whole point." the female nation said with exasperation. "You want to kill as many as possible. Use fire, stomp on them, heck, just keep going!"

The gentle nation felt tears pour down his cheeks. For such a pretty nation, she was a monster! He fled, vowing to save every turtle he could from her cruel clutches.

Tonga looked at America.

"So use the 'x' button."

"Yeah," America said, "and jump on them. Mario gets more points if you do it that way. Watch out for the koopa troopa!"

Tonga ended up having a very nice time playing video games with America.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Yay! Reviews! I adore them.**_

_**I own nothing. Rated M.**_

OoOooO

It had all started innocently, at least innocent on America's part. She had honestly just wanted to know how the country was doing since his city had frozen over.

Said nation had launched into a six minute monologue about how 'damn stupid and ignorant' she was.

Right then and there, America decided that the other nation was a huge asshole.

"Geez, I thought he was supposed to be one of the friendlier nations," America complained loudly as she glared at the door through which the other nation had left.

"I think he is just tired of people making that joke," Canada interjected kindly. Her ally was sitting by her side the whole time, and even patted her on the shoulder after she received such harsh words.

She blinked at him, her face scrunched up in confusion.

"What joke?"

Her neighbor nearly face planted into the desk in surprise. "The joke? A-about 'Hell freezing over'?"

"What are you talking about dude? It was -45 degrees there last week. Of course it froze over," she explained matter-of-factly with her blues eyes flashing behind Texas. "See, this is what I get for being friendly. Some jackass has a mood swing."

"No," Canada said in exasperation, "I mean yes, it was very cold, but the joke about the town name."

"Oh," America said slowly. "_Oh._ Because it's name 'Hell'? That's just stupid. I have a town named that! Heck, I have worse. You don't see me getting pissed off about 'Climax, Georgia'."

There was a heavy pause in the air as Canada stared at her with unblinking eyes.

"You have... a town... called 'Climax'?" He repeated in disbelief.

"Uh-huh, and 'Intercourse'." America blushed slightly, as she noticed Canada's wide eyes. She shrugged. "Hey, it's still better than 'Toad suck'."

"Toad suck?" Canada repeated in a serious tone. "Really?"

"Yep. That and 'Hooker'."

"You have a Hooker?!" Canada exclaimed loudly. His voice reverberated off the walls.

China, who just happened to be passing by paused. He looked at Taiwan, who had also obviously heard the loud exclamation.

"Come one," China commanded forcefully, nearly gritting his teeth.

Taiwan looked at him and then back at the door. "Perhaps if would be better if I stayed-"

"No!" The largest nation denied fiercely. He grabbed Taiwan and drug him further down the hall.

Honestly what was with all these young nations and sex?!

OoOoOo

Prussia was totally awesome, but sometimes he got himself and countless others into trouble. Like the day he decided to play on America's fear of ghosts and the supernatural. It wasn't that he didn't like America. It was just hilarious to watch her freak out over that sort of thing.

So, when he thought it was a great idea to record her reaction to a shambling undead half demon, half-ghost thing, he had not anticipated what she would scream.

Or that the scream would be followed by a much smaller cry for help.

"Ahhh! Russia!" America screamed as she covered her face from the terrifying creature before her. Because Prussia was a wiz with animatronics and computers, so it was very realistic.

"Help," she said softly, almost inaudibly.

Prussia was struck mute from shock. And it did not help that said Slavic nation managed to overhear it and break the door.

Prussia refused to pay for that. Russia was the one that did it. Granted the sight of a wide eyed Russia staring at a trembling America was exceedingly comical, but also deeply disturbing.

As was the large ear to ear grin that bloomed on Russia's face as he smashed Prussia's -highly expensive- animatronics.

"Verdammt!" He bellowed in outrage, giving away his hiding place underneath the table and behind two chairs.

America looked up, her face flushed with sudden rage. Her blue eyes narrowed behind Texas, and her cowlick swayed as she turned toward him with murder written on her face.

He nearly let out a cry of his own.

"You son of a Bitch," she hissed lowly, starting toward him.

Russia held her back.

"Ah ha. Amerika. Am I correct in thinking that you called for my help?"

She paled. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him. Her hands fisted on her hips. "I did not. " She denied hotly. Her gaze moved toward the ground. "i thought you were the one doing it."

America tilted her chin defiantly.

Russia chuckled softly to himself. "Oh? Da? Is that why you said, 'Russia, help!'?"

She glared at the horrible way he mimicked her accent, and he made it sound so damn _lewd. _

_"Stop _that! I did not!" She snarled, turning even more red in embarrassment. Oh lord, she would never live this down.

Russia drew closer, his amusement was highly evident and his eyes were sparkling.

America frowned, knowing she really never was going to live this down. That made her pretty pissed off, and Prussia was very lucky she was such a kind country. She should get medals for this indignity!

"You did. You said 'Russia help!'."

"Shut up!" She snapped. "Don't say it like that!"

"Like what?" Russia asked, with a nearly seductive smile.

She blushed, then paled, and finally blushed again as she mumbled something.

Russia was nearly breathing her air, he was so close.

"What was that?" He asked in a smug tone.

"Like..." she mumbled.

"Like?" He repeated with glee.

England, chose that unfortunate moment to burst in, having heard the scream from earlier.

"We're having sex!" America shouted at the top of her lungs.

"Oh my..." England blurted out, drawing attention toward him. Prussia's eyes were as wide as saucers, and America's were even larger than his.

"Uh..."

"Privet England!" Russia said with a wide smile.

England's mind was racing. He should have given America the flowers. If he had given her the flowers, she never would have had sex with Russia. Oh by his Queen... she was having sex... with... Russia. Was the room spinning?

"England, dude," America started out as she moved toward him. "I can explain." 

Oh... she really was having sex with Russia! England gave a weak sort of confused gurgle before he pitched forward onto the floor in a dead faint.

"Ehrfürchtige," Prussia said with delight and a wide smile.

Unfortunately he drew attention to himself, and America was on him in the blink of an eye. She flipped over the table he was hiding under and looked at his phone pointedly.

"Are you recording this?" She asked lowly.

The albino nation could only nod as Russia clapped his hands in delight.

"You erase that this instant," America warned seriously, "Or I will do things to you that even _he_ can't things of."

Prussia looked at the smiling Russia and then back at the furious face of America. For a moment he actually thought she meant it.

He quickly erased the video. But the memory would live on.

OoOoOo

"America?"

"Yeah dude?"

"Why does it say 'China' on your back?"

"What?"

Taiwan slowed his steps just outside the door, and curiously peaked in. His brown eyes caught sight of America and India standing together in an vacant meeting room. He curiously watched the pair. America said she had a 'hooker' and now he was trying to figure out who it was. Was it a human, or a nation?

Quietly he aligned himself to the door.

"Why does it say 'China' on your back?" India repeated patiently.

"Uh..." She blushed, and stuttered as she pressed her back against a wall. "No reason."

Taiwan stared at America. His brain putting two and two together. His mouth opened and closed several times but no sound escaped. America... and China! China... and America! Honestly, China! That was the reason America bought so many exports from China? She and he were...?

Oh disgusting! Taiwan turned and fled down the hall. He had to tell the others! He had to stop America's exploitation of his friend!

"It was on sale," she attempted to distract from the situation, as she simultaneously attempted to rip off the tag of her shirt. She had forgotten it was still on there. How embarrassing to have 'Made in China' on one of the clothes she was wearing.

Normally, she always went for 'Made in the USA', but it had been a cute shirt and people were encouraging her to spend less...

"You really need to stop buying so much clothing from-" India teased, good naturedly.

"Not one more word." America said.

OoOoOoOo

England had been avoiding America for three days. It was not overly hard, but he wanted to patch things up between them. However, as he neared her hotel room, he heard more shouting.

'Oh please, not Russia again,' he thought with dismay. He couldn't imagine his America with... Russia. Especially not engaging in _carnal _delights.

"I know all about it, so you may as well admit it!" A male voice shouted.

"I have no idea what you are talking about!" America yelled back.

England pushed at the door, unsurprised when it swung open, revealing Taiwan and America both angrily glaring at each other.

"I know all about it." Taiwan repeated stubbornly.

America threw her hands up in the air. "About _what_?"

"You might have the others fooled, but not me," The male nation gloated tauntingly. "When this comes to light, you will be ruined."

England grit his teeth, and clenched his jaw. The little twat was going to tell everyone about America and Russia...being... intimate. Darkness encroached on the edge of his vision. Other nations were not as accepting as England. If the rest of the world found out, there would be plagues, wailing and gnashing of teeth, rivers would dry up, the sun would turn red, the continents would crumble into the sea...

Well, perhaps that was a touch on the dramatic side, but nations would most assuredly 'flip the fuck out'. To quote America.

He had to intervene. It was two fold. One, it would keep Taiwan from telling the whole bloody world about such things, and two... America said she preferred gentleman. England was every inch the gentleman. He had invented them!

What to do? If he interrupted, it could be seen as him covering for America. But... he was.. Therefore he should just say...

"It was me!" England said suddenly.

The pair jumped at the sound of his voice and America blinked at him.

"England?"

"You?" Taiwan said at the same time.

"Yes," England said with false bravado. "What you found out, about America... well, it wasn't America," he continued, trying to spare her.

"It was me," he finished, and his green eyes locked with Taiwan's.

Taiwan's face shifted from surprise, to disgust, to shock, and finally settled on careful neutrality. Though he looked slightly green.

"I see," the dark haired nation said. "I apologize America, I should be going."

He barely made it out the door before England and America heard the tell-tale sounds of someone retching in the hallway.

"Seriously," America said with exasperation. "What the hell is going on with everyone lately?"

England said nothing, but thought it would be a fine time to break into the mini bottles of liquor in the room.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Remember this author does not claim credit for the works of Hetalia. All characters are owned by someone else. Not me.**_

_**Some inspiration from that web comic where the countries look like marbles, or little worlds... Circles? You know the one. Credit to them as well. **_

_**Thank you readers!**_

_**I own nothing.**_

**OoOoOo**

"Save the Turtles!" Ecuador shouted as loudly as he could. Turtle memorabilia was scattered all around him as he paced back and forth between the doors of the meeting hall.

"What's up with him?" America asked, adjusting Texas to get a better glance at Ecuador and the T-Shirt he was sporting of a turtle being strangled by...

Wait a minute! Was that a cartoon character of her?

What the fuck was this nonsense?

"No idea," Spain muttered as he too noticed the not-so-accurate drawing of America on Ecuador's shirt.

"Hey!" America called out, clearly perturbed by the implication. "What the hell?"

Ecuador caught sight of her and paled. His lips trembled as he pressed them into a firm line. He would not be deterred. He knew what she had said to Tonga! Her western lies could not poison his conviction! He was going to save the turtles from her.

"I will not speak to the turtle murder!" He declared with a slight bite to his words.

"Turtle murder? What the actual fu-"

"Turtle eater!" He continued with a look of venom in his handsome features.

The female nation reeled back, a look of child-like annoyance was on her features.

"I don't eat turtles!" She snarled back. "Well, like... only in the bayou and that is legitimately food for my people." Her cheeks were bright with color, as she narrowed her blue eyes at him.

"That does not excuse-"

"Oh like you're a damn vegetarian."

"I do not kill for sport like you."

"Hunting is done in a very controlled manner and -"

"America you are sick! I know what you encouraged others to do!"

Several nations turned toward her with curious stares. Her own eyes widened. She hadn't done a freaking thing! What was _wrong _with everyone lately? Was there some new internet meme no one had told her about? Was it called 'Be a Dick to America!'?

"What?!" She demanded with narrowed eyes.

"I heard you!"

"I have no idea what the hell you're talking about!" America called out like a scandalized cat. Her shoulders drew inward as she huffed at Ecuador. "And why are you singling me out?" The Star-spangled nation demanded.

"Malaysia, China, and Singapore are is the ones that eat freaking _turtle soup_."

The plethora of turtle plushies, flags, hats, and shirts tumbled ot the ground as Ecuador started at her with open-mouthed _terror._ He glared at the said nations, and China told America to 'go die' when he was glared at by the sweet-hearted nation.

America had corrupted others! It was far worse than he had originally thought!

OoOoOo

If she had thought the thing with Ecuador was a head ache, she had no idea what was about to happen at the meeting.

Denmark got into brawl with the Netherlands. China kept glaring at America for tattling over the turtle soup. Russia was staring at her creepily. Switzerland and Egypt started arguing over _nothing_ as far as America could tell.

Prussia was smirking and winking at her a lot. To America that translated as he wanted her to beat his ass for playing that trick on her, because he'd then recorded -and been forced to delete- evidence that America had called for Russia.

She had totally not asked for his damn help! These Bitches were trippin'!

Taiwan couldn't look at England without making a face that suggested he was about to hurl all over everyone. As a result, no nation wanted to sit anywhere near him. That was likely for the best.

Greece looked as if he were terrified of her and Turkey was... smiling at her?

Okay. What the hell? Had she entered the Twilight zone? Was that possible?

The Star spangled nation's eyes grew wide and she glanced around a bit, half afraid she had entered said zone. It was then that she noticed Southern Italy was blushing and watching her. Occasionally he would narrow his eyes, and get even more red in the face when she smiled at him.

Was no one sane around here?

Besides her... of course.

OoOoOo

"The United States of the Earth."

Kazakhstan paused, blinking and turning toward the source. Greece paled and shook as he grabbed the other male nation's arm. There was an expression on his face that said 'See? I told you!'

America was standing in front of her southern Neighbor with a look of utter seriousness on her face.

"That's not possible." Mexico retorted with his eyes conveying his shock and disbelief.

The female nation smile ruefully, and to Greece, it seemed sinister as he trembled just outside the doorway.

"Oh...," she said pausing for a moment, "It most certainly is."

Greece gave a startled squeak, which was not loud enough to be heard by anyone other than Kazakhstan, who felt his jaw drop at what was being said. Greece said that America was bullying Mexico and Spain...

But he hadn't believed it until now.

The nation was on the war path. He had seen how crazy the American troops could be. He did not doubt something was going to come of this. The pair of nations fled to find safety.

"No kidding?" Mexico asked in surprise.

"Nope," America said with a slight laugh and a blush of embarrassment, "Totally true."

"They really wanted to rename you 'The Untied States of The Earth'? Truly?"

"Well," the star spangled nation said with a shrug, "they did in 1893. There was this whole amendment thing. Either way, it was shot down."

"Thank the lord it didn't pass then, _Amiga."_

"You can say that again. Could you imagine what the other countries would have thought?"

America and Mexico laughed, unaware that Greece was sobbing in a closet down the hallway, with a startled Kazakhstan by his side, calling Russia in the hopes of securing protection for when the Star-Spangled nation began the blood bath to unite the Earth under her title!

OoOoOo

South Korea was looking for America. He hadn't seen her this morning for more than two minutes. His soulful brown eyes lingered over the different rooms that all looked the same.

If he were America... where would he be?

HIs internal question never had to be answered, because he heard her very distinctive voice float down the hallway.

Ah! That way!

He bounded happily after the sound, only to come to screeching halt when he heard another voice. Who was America talking to?

"Don't be upset," Canada said softly, trying to placate his neighbor.

"Don't be upset?!" America said after a moment, her eyes streaming with tears of mirth. Gasping for breath.

To South Korea, however, as he peeked his head around the corner, it looked as if America was sobbing. His eyes were riveted to her, and how devastated she must have been in order to cry. South Korea puffed his chest out, ready to come to her defense.

"Just because I own-"

"Stop!" America gasped, clutching at her sides and falling to her knees, "Just stop! You're killing me."

She was being tortured by Canada! Poor America! South Korea always knew that nation was too friendly and polite. Clearly it was all some scheme to take advantage of poor, sweet, innocent, and clearly needing to be rescued...

America!

But South Korea was much too smart to fall for Canada's deception!

South Korea could not bear to watch the saddening scene and moved off to speak with China about seeking aid to help America against Canada. That dastardly northern... fiend! Apparently, as his high intellect deduced, Canada owned something of America's.

Or, hopefully this was just a shot in the dark, America herself.

He missed the fact that America was nearly convulsing on the floor in laughter.

"It's not that funny," Canada said sourly.

"You own the Mall of _America._ It is pretty damn funny." She howled, as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Not me!" Canada said indignantly, though he was smirking slightly, "some of my people do."

OoOoOo

"Wait!" America gasped, letting out a moan. "Please. Wait! Ah!"

Finland paused, blinking in confusion at the closed door. To the women's... bathroom?

"Ah! Oh! Oh my God," America whimpered, and then there was a loud sound of thumping.

The Nordic nation's eyes widened and he stared at the door with horrified understanding dawning on him. Especially when the grunts of a decidedly _male_ nation could be heard shortly thereafter.

"Just... hold... still. Hmm." There was more thumping. Why was that voice so familiar?

"Harder!" America demanded harshly, before a groan floated through the door.

Finland gaped in disbelief. America would never... do that... here! Really?

"Germany!"

The poor Nordic nation stumbled blindly away, trying not to imagine how he was going to look Germany in the face after this. When he had heard... well...

Forget about Germany, how was he supposed to be able to speak with America ever again?!

Meanwhile, inside the female restroom, a very kind-hearted European nation was busily attempting to get a Western nation unstuck from the dispenser on the wall. They had nearly succeeded in pulling the dispenser off the wall, but not at getting out America's appendage.

"I thought it gave out candy!" America wailed, as Germany continued to tug on her stuck hand.

"What? Why would you ever think that it gave-"

"Because the sticker was misleading!" The Star Spangled nation said, moving from being sad to angry. "I'll sue you for this."

"We are in Norway..."

"Oh."

"Damn you Norway!"

Germany groaned as he tried once more, to get her hand out. America refused to let go of her prize, even though it was not candy. He wasn't going to ask. He swore on Italy's life, he was not going to ask.

Not after last time.

"There, there, America," He attempted awkwardly, still blushing over the fact he was in the _women's_ restroom. "It will all be over soon."

"No it won't," America sniffled out, then glared at the dispenser. "Who the hell made this thin anyway?"

Germany peered on the side and spared her a glance as he squatted down to see if he could loosen her from another angle.

"Finland."

"How could Finland do this to me?!" She wailed.

Hungary paused just outside the doorway, she had been about to use the facilities when she couldn't help but hear America's rather loud shout.

"It will be alright America." Germany placated. Hungary's eyes widened to the size of saucers.

"Alright? All-fucking-right?" She screeched, "How could he get me into this mess and not take responsibility?!"

Not take responsibility? The female nation's eyes narrowed and her thoughts flickered through plausible scenarios.

"If he gets a girl into trouble he should help her, dammit!"

...Gets her into... trouble?

OH!

Hungary nearly squealed in delight. America was pregnant! She did a twirl right there in the hallway with a wide smile. A sudden thought struck her.

Then her beaming smile turned to a frown, and she stalked off to find Finland. How dare that bastard abandon America now that she carried his child? It was inconceivable.

"America," Germany said tiredly, "I think you are being Melodramatic."

"Lies!"

OoOoOo

No one knew why Hungary proceeded to start beating Finland, nor why Finland kept screaming 'Anyone but America!' which only made Hungary more furious. Sweden tried to calm her, and the other nations just stared at the scene in wonder.

Others, were just plain horrified.

England paled when he heard the words, 'Pregnant' and 'child'.

No. It was not possible. His green eyes widened in horror and he glance over to Russia.

Russia was watching the whole thing with an eerie smile, but radiating fury. Why he would be upset, England could only surmise that he hadn't wanted anyone to know.

America! His America! That Slavic whore had knocked up his former colony!

Oh sweet Queen... There was going to be a little Russia running around!

England blanched. He needed a drink, and he needed it _now._


	5. Chapter 5

**_This author claims no rights to the characters borrowed for this fan fiction. Just so we are clear. _**

**_I own nothing. Rated M. _**

OoOoOo

America had no idea, whatsoever, that the rumor mills were running at full speed. Tongues were wagging and hot gossip was being traded all over the world. However, none of the countries talking about her, were willing to talk to her just yet.

Yet, she did notice that Russia was glaring at her midsection at the next meeting. The aura around him seemed to radiate fury and he pulled her to the side to tell her that he did not appreciate 'being led on'.

What the hell was that about?

The Star-spangled nation stared at him as if he had lost his mind, but she had nodded quickly, not wanting him to get anymore bat-shit crazy than she already thought he was. Plus, she was still avoiding him after that whole... misunderstanding about asking for his 'help'.

Which never happened, she decided firmly.

She would have mentioned the strange behavior to England, but every time she neared the Island nation, he suddenly could not be around her. Her blue eyes also caught a glimpse of him sneaking sips, of what she had the sneaking suspicion was not tea, quite frequently.

That and England was actually starting to ramble to France. So yeah... he might be wasted.

Hungary kept coming up to her and promising that she would get Finland to come around. America tried to ask her 'to what?', but Hungary just kept winking at telling America she knew.

Heaven help her, she just didn't understand anybody anymore!

OoOoOo

The events of the last meeting did not sit well with Sweden. Who had tried to calm Hungary down to no avail. Finland would not tell him why she was upset. So they had all parted ways to return to their homes.

Peace had prevailed for perhaps a week at the most. Then everything tumbled down hill quickly.

Sweden was responding to a plea for assistance from Finland. Which was odd, because he did not know that Finland was having any problems. Other than that incident last week. Then Hungary had called Sweden a few moments later, snarling about how Finland had abandoned America.

The stoic nation had attempted to tell her that it had been centuries ago, and England had taken care of America after that. All things she already knew. However, it was Hungary that told him something which made Sweden blanch. Sweden was certain that he knew everything about his ally Finland.

Except, for the fact that he might have sired a child with America.

And, that instead of choosing to take responsibility, Finland had tossed the pregnant nation to the way side. No, that could not be. Finland would never have done such a thing.

As Sweden made a bee-line for the meeting, hoping to sort out the mess, he paused as he overheard a very distinct voice.

"Shh! They'll hear if you aren't quiet."

America? Sweden's icy blue gaze narrowed behind his glasses and he moved closer to the door, which was barring him from seeing what was going on. He would just ask America to confirm what Hungary had told him.

However, there was a bump, followed by a round of giggling.

"Canada!" America said breathily.

Sweden stilled, unable to move from what he was hearing.

"Sorry," the more timid northern nation mumbled. "I got carried away."

"I'll say," the female nation replied with approval in her tone. "Then again, it has been a while, huh?"

"Too long," Canada groaned and there was quite only broken by rhythmic thumping. Then the sounds of obviously heavy breathing.

America and Canada? Sweden could hardly believe it was occurring.

"Ouch!"

"Sorry," The male northern nation said, and then the thumping continued.

"Easy there tiger," America replied, panting.

They were!

Sweden turned, intent on informing Hungary that Finland might not actually be the father of America's child after all. Sweden felt a swell of dismay in his chest. He knew he should not have let the other Europeans near America, she had turned out far too promiscuous for her own good. What a shame!

He had failed to open the door, and so, he had no way of knowing that the Northern nations were taking the lunch break to get in a quick workout. In an empty room, they had moved the desks and were working on a Zumba routine.

However, because other nations tended to criticize America, Canada had agreed to exercise with her without the music on. The pair watched a YouTube video on America's tablet. Yet, as they were not perfect at the routine, sometimes they bumped into furniture, or stepped on each other accidentally.

"Feel the burn!" America said a little loudly.

Canada grinned at her, trying to keep in time with the video.

OoOoOo

"... It had to be the largest one ever, I don't even think I could fit it in my mouth."

Germany would have passed by, unheeding of America talking with Belgium and laughing softly. If he had not heard her next sentence.

"Those Germans, you know?"

The blonde male nation halted, and actually backed up two steps to peer into the room. Belgium slapped America on the arm. The two women gave each other a look that Germany could not quite catch.

However, the last time he had a chance to speak with America, it had been in a women's restroom, with him trying to remove her hand from a wall dispenser. The Star-spangled nation claimed she thought it had candy.

It had not.

But it had been a horrible four hours for Germany, just because he was worried other nations would think he was perverted.

He blushed at the memory of it alone. Yet, America started smiling and there was a faint dusting of pink on her cheeks.

"That big?" Belgium asked with wide eyes, her green gaze was riveted on America.

The exuberant nation nodded quickly.

"Dude, it was _huge!"_ She replied enthusiastically, using her hands to show an impressive size. "All I could do was stare in awe."

Belgium looked excited too, and Germany had a sinking feeling that they were talking about...

No. No, they would not be speaking of something so inappropriate, in a world meeting of all places. Of course not. He was just being ridiculous and-

"I swear, that thing could stuff anyone to the brim."

"Wow." Belgium vocalized, then appeared to think over what America was saying. "So did you...?"

Did America what? Germany's mouth gaped open as he stared at them in disbelief.

"Oh I wanted to," America assured the other female nation. "I kept thinking about how good it would taste, and-"

"But you didn't?"

"Well, it was a bad time." The Northern nation confessed, looking very disappointed.

Germany forgot how to breathe, as his mind could only play connect-the-dots, and all of it centered around America talking bout something of his in her mouth.

"How was it a bad time?" Belgium demanded, nearly in exasperation.

"I don't wanna talk about it," America mumbled blushing to the roots of her hair. "Let's just say it involved the Bathroom and leave it at that."

The European nation reeled back, his blue eyes were riveted to America's face as she blushed nearly darker than he was. America had wanted to...? With him? Germany had no idea! He felt as if steam was about to come from his ears, so he decided that he needed to retreat from the overwhelming feeling of embarrassment.

However, there was a fluttering in his chest at the thought that America found him that attractive. Though, he was a little disconcerted that she'd been staring at his crotch that much. Or that she was talking to Belgium about it.

Meanwhile, America looked at Belgium nearly mournfully.

"It was the best German wurst I'd ever seen, and I couldn't even have it because I'd eaten England's scones earlier."

"Oh," Belgium nodded sympathetically. "You know better."

"I know," America groused, "but it makes him happy, and he's my ally."

"Well, there will always be next Oktoberfest."

America whined unhappily at the thought it was still months off. "Wanna go with me this year?" She asked Belgium.

Belgium agreed. She really enjoyed the food at the festivals as well.

OoOoOo

For Spain, it was simply an inopportune moment. He'd turned the corner, and was able to see someone moving in one of the rooms. His curiosity was piqued, and he moved forward, wondering what was going on. No one was supposed to be here.

The only reason Spain was even in the building, was because he had accidentally left a USB drive with some pertinent information on it, and went back to retrieve it.

His green eyes landed on something he never expected to witness. America... in a man's suit and tie. There was a disturbing lack of cleavage on her chest. Was she truly that flat? Her hair was slicked back into a ponytail, and for the life of him, she almost looked like...

Southern Italy.

Then it struck him like a live wire. America... America was really a _man!_

Oh! It all made sense now. Why she had never swooned at his charming demeanor, was painfully obvious now. America was a man, a strange western nation that had never outgrown cross dressing. A little bit like Poland.

He was just like when Spain had been the boss of Southern Italy. How could he not have guessed? Spain snickered to himself, and was about to leave, when another door opened.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, America-san," the stoic voice said lowly.

Japan? What was Japan doing here? With America? Did he know America was a guy?

America grinned, and waved him over indulgently.

Spain's eyes widened even more as Japan got to his knees in front of America. Directly in front of where a man's ... well, manhood... usually was.

The romantic nation was thrown for a loop. Not only was America a man, but he was lovers with Japan?

He hid his blush behind his hand, and Spain wandered off. This was clearly not a time to be interrupting. He had to tell Southern Italy!

"Is it too tight?" Japan asked, after Spain had left.

"It's fine." America said with a pleased look on her face. "I think it will be an excellent present."

Japan nodded thoughtfully.

"It is not too long?"

"No, Japan, it's great." America said sincerely, with a kind smile.

Japan looked down and back up.

"That you for agreeing to this, no one else was the right size," he stated in a reserved and calm voice.

"No problem dude!" She said with a shrugging her shoulders, "what are friends for?"

Japan blushed slightly, but went back to hemming the inseam of the left leg. His brown eyes were focused on his task. America was a the only one he had asked to help him make this suit, and she had agreed to keep things quiet so that the gift would remain a surprise.

"I am hungry though, can we eat after this?" She asked out of the blue, holding perfectly still.

"Yes," Japan said, not bothering to pause from his task.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Rated M. This is a piece of literary fiction. The Author does not claim ownership pertaining to the ideas/characteristics/ect, of Hetalia or any subsidiary thereof. **_

_**Rated M. **_

OoOoOo

America wondered why half the nations were whispering when she came into the meeting, and why the other half were not even able to look her way.

_Hmmm._

Maybe she was being a tad paranoid, but she could have sworn -dollars to donuts- that they were talking about her. She only had this rather large clue do to the way that Uruguay was pointing at her and staring at her chest. _Very_ intensely. America bristled with sudden distain.

They were real. And, they were freakin' awesome, thank you so much.

Sky-blue eyes narrowed behind Texas. They had better not be comparing her cup size to other nations. Not everyone could match Ukraine. The woman was generously blessed in that department. Also, it wasn't America's fault that a large number of her farms had closed since the availability of food storage and packaged produce had come into play! So what if she'd shrunk a cup-size, possibly two. Her breasts were freaking fantastic! She was still working with 2.1 million acres of fertile lands for all her fiber, food, and fuel needs.

Damn them!

Nantucket moved angrily, swishing to the side for a moment. She may not be the busty beauty she was, but she still had a rack that was ogle worthy. America was half-way to convincing herself to take off her jacket and 'showcase' some of her assets. She was America! Huge knockers or part of the Itty bitty titty committee, she was a damn fine woman.

Spain caught her attention, by waving to her brightly. America scowled in his general direction. The poor guy wasn't at fault, but America couldn't help but notice the way he was also glancing at her crotch. She almost felt bad for the nearly apologetic look on his face, but she couldn't shake the feeling that this was strange. Even for Spain. Which was stating quite a bit. Because he was even more passionate about women than France.

The suave nation winked at her though, and mouthed something that she didn't quite catch.

Her brow puckered in concentration, but then Canada clapped a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see his violet eyes, warm and friendly. Ah, okay. Some things were still the same.

"America, could I talk to you for a second?" Her neighbor asked cordially.

"Yeah, sure dude," she muttered, glaring at Uruguay and Spain again.

"Alone," Canada said quietly.

Oh geez, what was going on now?

OoOoOo

"So you see," Canada continued as he moved to open the door, after America had been briefed on the situation, "That is why I was wondering if you-"

"Of course I will help," The female nation agreed in a breezy, yet determined tone. "Anything for my Ally."

Relief swept through his features. Canada moved to shake her hand. "Thanks again, America."

She nodded happily. The truth was, she would do just about anything for Canada, he was her closest ally and he had signed the North American Aerospace Defense Command with her. So that, if anything were to happen, they could stop missile attacks before they reached North American territory as a whole. Or many planned invasions. America already paid for a large portion -Close to 90%- of it and it was staffed with mostly US personell. All at no cost to Canada. With recent political tnesions, he wanted to borrow more soldiers.

Hell, she'd do that for him.

Canada was a part of the reason that Russia never went further on the whole 'Cold War' issue. Though, she still didn't know what the heck was going on with that guy. He still glared at her for 'leading him on'. Which made no sense to her. At all. But, then again, she had never really understood Russia's ways.

Unfortunately, for America, because she took the time to nod to Canada, she failed to notice when he opened the door. Therefore, when she started to walk again, there was now an obstacle in her way that had not been there before. And, her face collided with it. Letting out a painful 'thud' sound and a gasp from Canada. She careened into the floor, and let out a startled cry.

"Oh gosh, America, are you okay?!" Canada said frantically, moving toward her side.

"Yeah," She muttered, clutching her face. That was going to leave a mark. She was seeing stars out of one eye. Damn. Her head was hard, but her eye socket could only take so much of a hit.

This was going to bruise.

Oh well, she'd had and handled far worse than a door to the face before.

"I'm sorry," Canada apologized, "I didn't mean to it was-"

"Canada," America soothed, smiling up at him through the throbbing. "I know."

He seemed relieved, but still concerned.

"It was me, I should have paid more attention."

"Well, you do go getting yourself into trouble," Canada teased lightly. "Let's not do this again."

Just as he finished those words, a slightly winded, South Korea came running to the door. His brown eyes were wide and he looked about. The scene he saw before him, was a not a good one. America, with her adorable glasses askew, clutched at her eye and cheek. Canada stood over her, looking down at her.

South Korea instantly bristled.

"What happened? Are you alright?" He demanded, as he glanced between the pair with suspicion.

America winced, Canada paled. South Korea puffed up a bit.

"I'm fine," the female nation said, smiling at him.

"It was my fault," America laughed brightly, "I uh...I..."

"She ran into a door," Canada supplied, glancing to America.

The Star-spangled nation blinked. Feeling embarrassed by the whole event.

"Yeah," she admitted with a sheepish smile, "I ran into a door."

South Korea did not believe that pack of lies for an instant! He narrowed his sweet brown eyes in fury at Canada. The Bastard had started beating America! Who did he think he was?! South Korea was about to wallop his punk ass, taking a moment to role up his sleeves so that blood would not get on his expensive shirt. However, first, he did not want America to witness the savagery.

She was a lady after all.

"Canada," South Korea bit out, with just barely restrained civility, "would you come with me to get America some ice?"

The Northern nation blinked, ducking his head slightly.

"Sh-shouldn't one of us stay with her?"

There was no way on this Earth, or any depiction or interpretation of heaven or hell, that South Korea was going to leave the Star-Spangled nation alone with this..._beast_. His hands tightened into fists.

"I'll be fine," America said amicably. "Thank you South Korea, Ice would be great right now."

Canada smiled at her softly. South Korea nearly snarled at him to back away. Trying to butter up the nation he was exploiting and abusing! How dare this scum?!

OoOoOo

The Philippines found her next, as he was strolling along down the corridor, a happy and go lucky look about him. He was a kind-hearted and joyful nation. He always had a true zeal for life. It was part of the reason he and America got along so well. She was slightly crazy, and frankly he rather enjoyed her brand of insanity. He caught sight of her as she was moving to stand.

She moaned gently, cupping her face.

"What happened to you?" The male nation asked, as he drew closer.

"I hit a door with my face. The attack proved ineffective," she quipped.

"You have to be careful," he chided softly, as he moved to help her up. "Otherwise you might hurt the baby."

She stared at him blankly.

"What baby?"

The Philippines gave her a confused glance.

"Are... are you not pregnant?" He asked, quietly and blushing slightly. This could turn out very, very bad.

America blinked at him, and opened her mouth. Once, then five more times. No words seemed to come out. Suddenly her face twisted into an indignant look.

"Are you calling me fat!?" She demanded in a bellow, that shook the windows. "I am _not_ pregnant!"

The male nation cautiously raised his hands and started to back slowly away.

"Oh, uh... is that so?"

Her sky-blue eyes turned _murderous_ behind Texas as her aura seemed to scream a promise of 'pain'. She started forward, when a single sentence stopped her dead in her tracts.

"_Kolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkol."_

America froze, her blood chilled form the fire of fury, and she turned her head around.

Russia was standing there, violet eyes wide and an eerie smile on his face. His scarf seemed to dance and twist in excitement. Ugh... weird. But the smile turned to a frown.

"Did he hit you?" He demanded gruffly. His gaze narrowed on the Philippines.

America glanced between him and Russia.

"What the hell is going on here?!" She demanded as she threw her hands up in the air.

Other countries were bat-shit crazy!

"Is that a 'yes'?" Russia asked, taking a large step forward.

"No!" America snapped, blushing slightly. "And even if he did hit me, which he didn't, I can take care of my damn self!"

The Slavic nation leered at her.

"Oh Da, just say 'Russia help'." He taunted.

America glared at him, and then at the Philippines.

"I never said that."

"She did."

"Did not!"

"So, you are not pregnant?" The Philippines confirmed, looking ill-at-ease.

"Who the hell said I was pregnant?!" America hissed out, like an angry cat.

The Philippines paled.

"Well... everyone."

"WHAT?!"

Russia chuckled. He seemed upset by her announcement, for some odd reason. America didn't know what was going on in his head. Therefore, she had no idea he was furious at England, who he believed had tried to prevent him from being with America.


End file.
